Tuesday, May 24, 2005
The Week of the Long Knives
Opinion © 2005, by Guy L. Evans
May 24, 2005
In case anyone had any ideas that Republicans don’t criticize other Republicans, and that the Republican Party marches in lock step, see this.
The long knives are out. Let the massacre begin.
Democrats had better understand that this is not in their interest, and that they have really screwed up. If the Republican Party purges significant numbers of Democrat friendly members, the Democrats will be buried for a generation. There will be no deals at all.
Guy L. Evans
Aurora, Colorado
Opinion © 2005, by Guy L. Evans
May 24, 2005
In case anyone had any ideas that Republicans don’t criticize other Republicans, and that the Republican Party marches in lock step, see this.
The long knives are out. Let the massacre begin.
Democrats had better understand that this is not in their interest, and that they have really screwed up. If the Republican Party purges significant numbers of Democrat friendly members, the Democrats will be buried for a generation. There will be no deals at all.
Guy L. Evans
Aurora, Colorado
Monday, May 23, 2005
Good Complainers, Bad Complainers
Opinion © 2005, by Guy L. Evans
May 23, 2005
Complainers come in two basic varieties: Good complainers and bad complainers.
Good complainers are people who by complaining are asking for help. Their complaining tends to be in the first person, such as, “I’m having a problem”, “I don’t feel good”, “I don’t know how to do this”, and so forth.
Bad complainers on the other hand use complaining as a form of aggression. Their complaints are usually in the form of aggression against some target. They engage in demeaning, invalidating, blaming, accusing, shaming, and other forms of aggression while giving the impression that they are innocent victims.
Bad complainers are guilt-givers. They drench their targets with blame and shame. They rarely take responsibility for their own feelings or behavior. Bad complainers want you to believe that they are inanimate punching bags for life’s gang of bullies.
What are bad complainers looking for? Is there any way to achieve a harmonious relationship with them?
They are looking for recruits. They don’t want to be helped; they want to be affirmed. They want you to agree with them. They want your loyalty.
There is no practical way to achieve a harmonious relationship with bad complainers without running the risk of betraying yourself. Bad complainers don’t care what you think. They don’t want to share anything with you. They have no intention of moving away from their position. This means that compromise is impossible.
Bad complainers are like obdurate children for whom this adulthood thing has just gotten to be too much of a hassle. Unit they learn that they can admit that they were wrong without going to pieces, your best bet is to steer clear of them.
Guy L. Evans
Aurora, Colorado
Opinion © 2005, by Guy L. Evans
May 23, 2005
Complainers come in two basic varieties: Good complainers and bad complainers.
Good complainers are people who by complaining are asking for help. Their complaining tends to be in the first person, such as, “I’m having a problem”, “I don’t feel good”, “I don’t know how to do this”, and so forth.
Bad complainers on the other hand use complaining as a form of aggression. Their complaints are usually in the form of aggression against some target. They engage in demeaning, invalidating, blaming, accusing, shaming, and other forms of aggression while giving the impression that they are innocent victims.
Bad complainers are guilt-givers. They drench their targets with blame and shame. They rarely take responsibility for their own feelings or behavior. Bad complainers want you to believe that they are inanimate punching bags for life’s gang of bullies.
What are bad complainers looking for? Is there any way to achieve a harmonious relationship with them?
They are looking for recruits. They don’t want to be helped; they want to be affirmed. They want you to agree with them. They want your loyalty.
There is no practical way to achieve a harmonious relationship with bad complainers without running the risk of betraying yourself. Bad complainers don’t care what you think. They don’t want to share anything with you. They have no intention of moving away from their position. This means that compromise is impossible.
Bad complainers are like obdurate children for whom this adulthood thing has just gotten to be too much of a hassle. Unit they learn that they can admit that they were wrong without going to pieces, your best bet is to steer clear of them.
Guy L. Evans
Aurora, Colorado
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
How I Got Rid of Some Rotten People in My Life
Adventures in life © 2005, by Guy L. Evans
May 18, 2005
From time to time, we all have people in our lives who provoke hostility in us. They make us angry, and we feel confused about what’s going on.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to be provoked. I don’t like to feel angry with people. I don’t like to be manipulated.
And that’s the point.
These people are manipulators. They provoke anger and hostility in other people, they sabotage relationships, and they sabotage themselves.
Well, my friends, let me tell you how I got rid of some of these people so that I am assured that they will not corrupt my life again.
A word of caution is in order. If you can’t control yourself, if you are uncomfortable with feelings of anger, disgust, and guilt, and if you think that other people are entitled to hurt you, then this process will not work for you. I did this, and I will do it again when it is necessary. Use this information at your own risk. I am not responsible for outcomes I cannot control.
The process that I followed to get rid of these people is as follows:
1. Identify them.
2. Recognize that they won’t listen to me, and that they can’t be reasoned with or persuaded.
3. Recognize that they are hostile and will attempt to control me.
4. Admit my feelings of anger and disgust, and admit that I can’t tolerate having them around.
5. Use their pathology against them.
6. Extract myself from the relationship without fear of retribution.
7. Get on with my life.
1. Identify them.
Characteristics include chronic anger, complaining, blaming, negative outlook, hostility toward authority figures, jealously, unrealistic self-importance, complaining about being misunderstood (comments like, “no one understands me” are a dead giveaway), paranoid ideas, grandiosity, arrogance, and constantly assuming the role of victim. These are all indications that they refuse to take responsibility for their own feelings, behavior, and well being.
2. Recognize that they won’t listen to me, and that they can’t be reasoned with or persuaded.
People who refuse to take responsibility for their own feelings, behavior, and well being won’t listen to you. They have an almost super-human capacity to block out incoming information, good or bad. You can’t get through to them, and the harder you try, the more they resist.
3. Recognize that they are hostile and will attempt to control me.
Such people are control monsters. They cannot trust anything or anyone that they cannot externally control. They experience intense anxiety about losing control. They will try to manipulate you anyway they can to change you into the person they want you to be, someone they can dominate. If they can’t dominate you, they are afraid of you.
4. Admit my feelings of anger and disgust, and admit that I can’t tolerate having them around.
I don’t like being manipulated or controlled. It makes me very angry. Anger is my radar. If someone makes me angry, that is evidence that I feel that they are a threat. I like to avoid threats that I can avoid. I can’t control such people, so I have no choice but to avoid them.
5. Use their pathology against them.
This is not for the faint-hearted. I did this. I urge you to use caution in your own situation. Remember that when you are doing this, you are in control; they are not.
Disagree with them. That’s usually all it takes. Find something that they said that is incorrect, and correct them. They can’t tolerate being corrected. To them, correction is rejection. In their minds, you have rejected them, or you’re about to reject them. This then gives them permission to reject you, and that’s exactly what you want them to do.
The entire object of the exercise is to manipulate them into rejecting you. This lets you off the hook. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Besides, you knew they were going to reject you anyway, so why fool around?
6. Extract myself from the relationship without fear of retribution.
The kind of people I have gotten out of my life have a strong paranoid streak. They live in fear of rejection, and they often initiate a rejection process in order to confirm their own irrational fears.
If you reject them, they blame you. If they reject you, you get to walk away without owing them anything. When they reject you, they own the guilt, as they should.
DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT take any parting shots. Do not injure them or threaten them. Do not give them any reason to feel threatened or hurt. Do not give them anything that allows them to vindicate their own malicious behavior. You are not trying to hurt them; you are trying to rescue yourself.
7. Get on with my life.
Accept your feelings of disappointment and anger. Face it, it hurts to be rejected even when it’s the best thing for you. Also, admit that they were going to reject you anyway, you couldn’t stop them, you couldn’t reason with them, it’s their pathology, too bad, so sad.
Find something constructive that you enjoy, help yourself heal, and have a good life.
Guy L. Evans
Aurora, Colorado
Adventures in life © 2005, by Guy L. Evans
May 18, 2005
From time to time, we all have people in our lives who provoke hostility in us. They make us angry, and we feel confused about what’s going on.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to be provoked. I don’t like to feel angry with people. I don’t like to be manipulated.
And that’s the point.
These people are manipulators. They provoke anger and hostility in other people, they sabotage relationships, and they sabotage themselves.
Well, my friends, let me tell you how I got rid of some of these people so that I am assured that they will not corrupt my life again.
A word of caution is in order. If you can’t control yourself, if you are uncomfortable with feelings of anger, disgust, and guilt, and if you think that other people are entitled to hurt you, then this process will not work for you. I did this, and I will do it again when it is necessary. Use this information at your own risk. I am not responsible for outcomes I cannot control.
The process that I followed to get rid of these people is as follows:
1. Identify them.
2. Recognize that they won’t listen to me, and that they can’t be reasoned with or persuaded.
3. Recognize that they are hostile and will attempt to control me.
4. Admit my feelings of anger and disgust, and admit that I can’t tolerate having them around.
5. Use their pathology against them.
6. Extract myself from the relationship without fear of retribution.
7. Get on with my life.
1. Identify them.
Characteristics include chronic anger, complaining, blaming, negative outlook, hostility toward authority figures, jealously, unrealistic self-importance, complaining about being misunderstood (comments like, “no one understands me” are a dead giveaway), paranoid ideas, grandiosity, arrogance, and constantly assuming the role of victim. These are all indications that they refuse to take responsibility for their own feelings, behavior, and well being.
2. Recognize that they won’t listen to me, and that they can’t be reasoned with or persuaded.
People who refuse to take responsibility for their own feelings, behavior, and well being won’t listen to you. They have an almost super-human capacity to block out incoming information, good or bad. You can’t get through to them, and the harder you try, the more they resist.
3. Recognize that they are hostile and will attempt to control me.
Such people are control monsters. They cannot trust anything or anyone that they cannot externally control. They experience intense anxiety about losing control. They will try to manipulate you anyway they can to change you into the person they want you to be, someone they can dominate. If they can’t dominate you, they are afraid of you.
4. Admit my feelings of anger and disgust, and admit that I can’t tolerate having them around.
I don’t like being manipulated or controlled. It makes me very angry. Anger is my radar. If someone makes me angry, that is evidence that I feel that they are a threat. I like to avoid threats that I can avoid. I can’t control such people, so I have no choice but to avoid them.
5. Use their pathology against them.
This is not for the faint-hearted. I did this. I urge you to use caution in your own situation. Remember that when you are doing this, you are in control; they are not.
Disagree with them. That’s usually all it takes. Find something that they said that is incorrect, and correct them. They can’t tolerate being corrected. To them, correction is rejection. In their minds, you have rejected them, or you’re about to reject them. This then gives them permission to reject you, and that’s exactly what you want them to do.
The entire object of the exercise is to manipulate them into rejecting you. This lets you off the hook. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Besides, you knew they were going to reject you anyway, so why fool around?
6. Extract myself from the relationship without fear of retribution.
The kind of people I have gotten out of my life have a strong paranoid streak. They live in fear of rejection, and they often initiate a rejection process in order to confirm their own irrational fears.
If you reject them, they blame you. If they reject you, you get to walk away without owing them anything. When they reject you, they own the guilt, as they should.
DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT take any parting shots. Do not injure them or threaten them. Do not give them any reason to feel threatened or hurt. Do not give them anything that allows them to vindicate their own malicious behavior. You are not trying to hurt them; you are trying to rescue yourself.
7. Get on with my life.
Accept your feelings of disappointment and anger. Face it, it hurts to be rejected even when it’s the best thing for you. Also, admit that they were going to reject you anyway, you couldn’t stop them, you couldn’t reason with them, it’s their pathology, too bad, so sad.
Find something constructive that you enjoy, help yourself heal, and have a good life.
Guy L. Evans
Aurora, Colorado
Monday, May 09, 2005
Picking Your Friends
A word of warning © 2005, by Guy L. Evans
May 9, 2005
You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friends’ noses.
I’ve spent a lot of time contemplating why it is so hard, even impossible, to be friends with some people. Here is the short list of characteristics that alert you that someone will not be a good friend:
He is always right.
Even when he’s wrong, or contradicts himself, he is still right.
What you think doesn’t matter.
It is difficult to communicate with him.
He pouts.
He wants you to do things for him, but doesn’t want to do anything for you.
His sense of humor is often at the expense of others.
He doesn’t have time for you, or if he does, he complains.
He insults other people liberally, but won’t tolerate having anyone say anything negative about him.
His moods are unpredictable.
He is demanding.
He ignores you.
His feelings are easily hurt.
He has difficulty standing up for himself.
You feel like you need to walk on eggshells around him.
And finally,
He makes you mad a lot.
This is all common sense stuff. But it’s important to pay attention to your feelings. How you feel about people is your early warning system kicking into action.
It is a well established fact that broken relationships cannot be made whole again. Take care not to enter into a broken relationship, and take care not to break the ones you have.
Guy L. Evans
Aurora, Colorado
A word of warning © 2005, by Guy L. Evans
May 9, 2005
You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friends’ noses.
I’ve spent a lot of time contemplating why it is so hard, even impossible, to be friends with some people. Here is the short list of characteristics that alert you that someone will not be a good friend:
He is always right.
Even when he’s wrong, or contradicts himself, he is still right.
What you think doesn’t matter.
It is difficult to communicate with him.
He pouts.
He wants you to do things for him, but doesn’t want to do anything for you.
His sense of humor is often at the expense of others.
He doesn’t have time for you, or if he does, he complains.
He insults other people liberally, but won’t tolerate having anyone say anything negative about him.
His moods are unpredictable.
He is demanding.
He ignores you.
His feelings are easily hurt.
He has difficulty standing up for himself.
You feel like you need to walk on eggshells around him.
And finally,
He makes you mad a lot.
This is all common sense stuff. But it’s important to pay attention to your feelings. How you feel about people is your early warning system kicking into action.
It is a well established fact that broken relationships cannot be made whole again. Take care not to enter into a broken relationship, and take care not to break the ones you have.
Guy L. Evans
Aurora, Colorado
