Monday, May 08, 2006

Rules for the Fever Swamp
Opinion © 2006, by Guy L. Evans

May 8, 2006

Hugh Hewitt, God bless him, came up with the term “the fever swamp left” to describe the radical elements of the Democratic Party and of leftist movements in general. Such people cause great consternation among rational people like Hewitt, and with good reason; they just don’t make sense. They’re not exactly crazy, but...

I am not a mental health professional. Nothing in this article is intended to diagnose or treat any condition. If you think you or someone you know has a problem that requires attention, please seek professional help.

...they are not capable of being sufficiently rational.

There is no clearly defined set of rules for the inhabitants of the fever swamp left. And to be fair, there is also a fever swamp right. It’s all the same swamp to me. But, if there were a set of rules, I think it would go something like this:

Rules for the fever swamp
  • Understand that your salvation lies in controlling the reality that other people experience. You cannot exist unless you (for want of a better word) inhabit the minds of other people.
  • Take control of how other people think, feel, and behave. Emotional outbursts, tantrums, and rage are useful for this. Become the biggest pain in other people’s lives, the focus of their attention day and night. Make them dread you.
  • Take control of what other people know and understand. Tell them that they can’t trust their own knowledge, feelings, experiences, and understanding. Tell them they are stupid and that only you can be trusted to tell them the truth.
  • Take control of the version of reality that other people will learn. As much as possible, control the media.
  • Take control of the lives, money, time, and resources of other people. Taxes and regulations are useful for this.
  • Take control.
  • Take control.
  • Take control.
  • Jealously defend your control.
  • Without ever admitting it to yourself, maintain an unrealistic and exaggerated sense of your own power. It helps to believe that you are invincible. Drugs and alcohol can help here. Political dogma can also be useful.
  • Hate people who have more control than you do.
  • Especially hate people who control their own lives. People who are independent of your control threaten your sense of your own power. This is particularly true if your sense of your own power is highly exaggerated. We can’t have reality intruding on our utterly fantastic dreams of power. I’m Superman, damn you!
  • Hate God. God judges you. Celestial busybody.
  • Always reassure yourself that you are perfectly capable of controlling others and that you undoubtedly possess the wisdom to know what is best for them.
  • Always reassure yourself that you are good, wise, heroic, and self-sacrificing, and that you are only doing what is best for other people. Especially deny to yourself that other people may actually know what is in their own best interest.
  • Always insist that people will be much better off if they will just accept your version of reality and reject their own. For God’s sake, why can’t these people see?
  • Always exert more control.
  • Rejection is a highly effective form of control.
  • You know how much you hate feeling rejected. Since you hate feeling rejected, it goes without saying that everyone on Earth is just like you and that they hate feeling rejected as much as you do. If you reject them before they reject you, and reject them with an extreme conviction in your own rightness, then you effectively take control, and you win.
  • Reject any version of reality that you do not judge to be acceptable.
  • Reject any person whom you do not judge to be acceptable.
  • Reject any thoughts, feelings, information, or behavior from other people that you do not judge to be acceptable.
  • Reject any thoughts, feelings, behavior, or aspects of yourself that you do not judge to be acceptable.
Badda freakin’ bing! It’s just that easy. Reject. Control. Believe in your own supremacy. And, above all, don’t let those pesky little facts stand in the way of realizing your dreams of mastering reality.

Guy L. Evans
Aurora, Colorado

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